WEEKLY SCHEDULER

The run-down of this week's happenings. Released every (most) Wednesday mornings. Available 24/7 right here.

/////////here's what's happening here, this week and beyond

/////////LIKE ONLINE SHOPPING BUT FOR YOUR SOCIAL CALENDAR /// & BETTER, DOING THINGS WITH OTHER PEOPLE

/////////updated weekly

Wednesday August 10th

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Rollin’, Rollin’ on the River

With a certain recent SCOTUS ruling…DC Bike Party is channeling the empowered spirit of the 60s and 70s as they roll along the Waterfront (this month’s charity is DC Abortion Fund). So bring out that free bike you got on Buy Nothing, or your favorite capital bikeshare, and join for a funk and soul fueled celebration. (7:30pm)

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good kid, m.A.A.d city turns ten, i guess that makes him a good teenager now?

Celebrate the 10th anniversary of this iconic album with a wine and music pairing! Plus music industry vets will share an insider’s insight into the impact of this album. (Or just reach out to me to hear the impact of me listening to “Swimming Pools” as an awkward teenager who had never had a sip of alcohol and go “sit down, drank yep this is totally about me”) (5:30pm)

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Also || tunes: Franz Ferdinand, AdMo walking tour, and all that jazz, the story of DC streams, toki underground & Naruto, late night karaoke, more late night karaoke but with a live band who will help you when you forget the lyrics

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Thursday August 11th

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Events rated by how likely my gecko Wallace is to attend by himself

Hayden said I could do this so here we go:

Night Fishing at Navy Yard: Wallace does not need a new Tinder profile picture holding a fish, but he is excited for free bait (he loves flies!!) and full moon fishing. (7/10 likely to attend) (8pm)
Bark Social Singles: Wallace will not be attending this dog lovers dating event because he is 1) not single 2) being around dogs reminds him of when he was lost in a house for two weeks hiding from a dog but survived! (0/10 likely to attend) (7pm)
Spider-Man: No Way Home at the Wharf: As mentioned, Wallace loves bugs so he will attend and then be disappointed when he realizes it’s a movie about a man with spider abilities rather than free spiders for attendees. (5/10 likely) (7:30pm)

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Also || film: Tu B’Av is in the air, tunes: les luthiers viejos, Gr. Gr. Washington happy hour, pass the mic poetry, tunes at Fort Reno, I come from away movie and panel, anise in cocktails, Yappy Hour (Wallace once again does not like dogs and will not be there), tunes: Ultimate Overshare (wow a band named after how i write the scheduler: by oversharing)

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Friday August 12th

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Events for the montage in the middle part of the rom com where the thing that will break the protagonists up for 15 minutes at the end of the movie hasn’t happened yet

Singles dating event at Metrobar where attendees will be matched on their preferences, oh no you’ve been matched with your hot neighbor Steve even though you hate each other… (7pm)
Rooftop dating event for 30/40 year old professionals where your ex-coworker (and ex-LOVer) Greg will probably throw a wrench in the plot. Is he there for networking or is it a match…? (7pm)
Or see Holy Fuck, a band that mimics electronic music without modern equipment as they record and play (unrehearsed) live! And wow, your coworker John—who you could never see as more than a friend—is here, oh my god he’s looking at you no don’t look NOW it will be too obvious! (7:30pm)

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8/12: tunes: Hiatus Kaiyote, dinner with a comedian (but who needs it when you can go on a free date with any old clown in dc), salsa on the plaza, Poker Face 00s dance party

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Saturday August 13th

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Get organized

Join the ACLU-DC orientation and training at Shaw Library, with a focus on storytelling and building relationships. (11am)
Artist organizer Adele Kenworthy hosts a community organizing workshop for Asian American women and femme artists/care/cultural workers. Gather to cut fruit for one another while also learning the basics of organizing. (2pm)

AM I A MAN OR AM I A MUPPET? *background singers* am i a muppet

Come learn about Aposemuppetism: The Adaptive Traits of Muppets in the Henson Ecosystem…and other interesting topics at Nerd Nite! Where nerds can share their passions and unusual research with a room full of people eager to spend a weekend night in a bar learning. (6:30pm)

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Also || go see George Benson or at least go on a high bike ride to "Breezin'", Vanessa Sanchez, queer dance party, tunes: trombone @ Rhizome, mock dc half marathon, talk: Hinduphobia, “The Master Debaters” which seems like a fun event but i can’t get behind it bc in middle school i did debate and my bully asked me if i was a master debater and I said I was and they all laughed at me

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Sunday August 14th

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Get in touch with mother earth

Join an intro to mushroom cultivation workshop, with a chance to make take-home oyster mushroom grow kits (4pm)

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Or beat the cac out of someone

All that earthy love got you steamed thinking about British deforestation as a tool of colonial subjugation or the fact that the potato famine was a genocide? Head to Piney Branch Park to learn some Irish stick fighting with other newbies in a joyful, queer-centered space. (2pm)

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Also || Out of our shells, also Marcel the Shell showtimes, metal at The Runaway, punk at Slash Run, Rare Essence in Ivy City, District Language Exchange (all of them?) in Rosslyn, skateboard at the Wharf, recycling pop-up in Dupont

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Monday August 15th

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What was Taylor Swift’s Album “Speak Now” Originally Called?

Come by Songbyrd Music House for a night of fun, drinks, food, and music trivia just like this! (The answer is “Enchanted” by the way. And it was written about Owl City singer Adam Young. Which is not bad, but also when I found out I was like…the Fireflies guy? Really?). (7pm)

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Every day I’m (comedy) shuffling

This comedy show is never dull, mostly because comics perform while backed up by another seasoned comic who can—and will—interrupt them when a joke flops. Hosted in the basement of the Comedy Loft. (7pm)

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Also \\ Get the to a nunnery (actually a Monastery but I wanted to quote Shakespeare to seem smart), Jazz after dark, Wicked Mondaze queer happy hour, Zumba!

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Tuesday August 16th

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An exclusive open mic night

Yes, if you are cool enough to know about The Pocket, then you’re probably cool enough to have something to sign or say. If you can’t think of anything to say, just tell the story of how you were dumped on a five mile walk through Rock Creek Park. Sign up early (slots fill up) or just enjoy the show. (7:30pm)

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Graffiti 101

Up your graffiti art from practicing in Microsoft Paint and hit the streets in this “learning by doing” art class covering the basics of graffiti techniques + a walking tour of the art form. (11am, 4pm)

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Also || No one—NO ONE—is holding it down on a tuesday like Wasted Lounge, transmasc and non-binary social hour, outdoor yoga at the Wharf but bring bugspray because have the mosquitos been brutal to everyone else or is my blood just tasty?

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AUGUST

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8/17: environmental happy hour

8/18: workshop: erotic writing

8/19: tunes: The Shins, traumedy: a dark comedy show, art talk: Washington landscapes, Mexican Geniuses

Get on a first name basis with two revolutionary 20th century artists, Frida and Diego, with this immersive 360° digital exhibit. (multiple times)

8/20: tunes: queer country of the DMV, Christ House 5k, Dolley Day, comedy: Bad Medicine, cocktail basics, DHH dance showcase

8/21: tunes: Lord Huron, talk: Rich Harrison, Jones Point cleanup

8/23: tunes: Duran Duran, trivia @ Wundergarten